Idiots

When I was at college studying languages some fucking idiot was in the room next to us teaching "media studies" which only requires you to be good at writing essays. The idiot teaching it had the nerve to tell me I had a bad attitude despite my being a model student.

The education system let me down but yet I worked within it....

Motivation!

At 22 I saw a load of people get the same degree as me and somebody else who had worked very, very hard. I had gone days without sleep, studied for hours and sacrificed friends and my sport to get a degree.

I was livid. But then I had been livid many times before. More important than being livid I was at a total loss - All these people had their parents come up to see them graduate - what was the point of little me trying?

This inner voice niggled away at me - "the advantages are given is awesome - you will never succeed" - "some of these people have spent four - ten years in Japan"

I try to motivate myself by thinking I can impress children from disadvantaged backgrounds but think hypnosis will be the next step.

Seeing "everyone"'s parents watching them graduate was torturous indeed.

Grammar!

At 16 and 17 I was awesome at French and Spanish grammar. I studied Japanese at university and fell in love with kanji. Many thought I was deranged. I once spent 2 hours arranging 1945 kanji cards for a friend to come up and pick a handful up and say "what are these?"

I went berserk.

But at 21 and in the final year of university I was suffering with Japanese grammar. I got 0 on a translation exam. I rallied and thought like a rat in a corner and eventually got high marks overall.

I used a specific set of instructions to understand Japanese grammar and will be referring to them in the next few posts.

Kanji Gold Completed!

I completed Kanji Gold and I am very happy - nobody in history has ever clicked on all these kanji correctly, I am the first one.

I realise it doesn't have much practical application in understanding Japanese but it is a very personal achievement.  It was very stressful, I got angry, I never thought I'd do it before the new year...

Interestingly enough my perspectives on stuff have changed massively as of late - I used to think if I achieved things people would treat me with respect.

This changed massively when I was on a train ride to where I used to be in care - one of the people who used to 'work' there (I write 'work' because I don't think bullying vulnerable children is work) was looking at me like I was dirt. I wanted to stab him to pieces, but he taught me a very valuable lesson - no matter what I achieve certain people will never respect me.

More importantly it doesn't matter if these people don't respect me.